The inspiration for this came to me while I was reading Isaiah's reflection on seeing God's throne room in Isaiah 6:1-7. A personal take on how it would be if that had been me.
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Holy, Holy, Holy
The words echoed in my head, louder and louder until it was unbearable. I...a mere mortal, kneeling in the throne room of the Almighty God, the maker of Heaven and Earth. The Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I should have been in awe, but that was a fleeting thought. Nothing in me inspired praise for God.
Holy, Holy, Holy
Noooooo! I cried out. I covered my ears in a fleeting attempt to drown the voices of the angels. I...am...not...worthy. Nothing in me was pure, my clothes were dirty and ragged compared to the white robes of the heavenly host around me. My sin was laid bare...all I had done ran through my mind, reminding me of how unholy I was, how broken, selfish, and conceited I had been. I wanted to disappear, to fall through the floor, to forget where I was. I sought darkness, a sanctuary away from God's judgment. I would give my life for this, anything rather than His throne room, this place of holiness.
Holy, Holy, Holy
It was too much to take. Tears fell on the floor as it marred the reflection of myself that I did not want to see. I had to disappear, to forget my wrongs, my faults, my sin. All I could do was make myself as small as I could, hoping that the floor would swallow me up. But my body would not let me, I had lost control long ago. I was overcome with sorrow and grief for all I had done wrong. I pulled at my hair in a vain attempt to remove the memories flooding through my mind. All my life I had thought that I was good enough and that I was better than other people, but not until I was in the presence of God did I realize that I was nowhere close to this. The evil inside overwhelmed me.
Holy, Holy, Holy
"I know!", I thought to myself. I understand, there is nothing that I could do to fix what I had done. All I was left with was my memories and my pain. I deserve the judgment, the punishment. "Please", I begged, "send me away, let me pay for my sins." There is nothing more righteous, nothing more deserving of justice than condemning me for my sin.
Holy, Holy, Holy
The words increased in strength, but I was spent. I had nothing left but sorrow. Dejected and humbled, I could only wait for the verdict, the decree from God. In the emptiness, where I was at my lowest, I felt a warmth, a gentle hand on my shoulder. As I watched with my eyes, I could see my clothes turning white. A feeling of freedom, a cleansing of me was being done. I knew it, I knew it was Jesus himself. He took my sin from me, the thoughts, the deeds in my mind began to feel as a distant memory.
He whispered to me, "I paid the price of your sins. I bought the debt, I took it upon me so that you can be free."
"I know," I said, "but I don't feel like I deserve you."
Jesus replied, "It was not your choice to make. I did it out of love. Now, sin no more. Go, tell others the good news. I will be with you."
As I opened my eyes, the feeling of warmth remained. I realized that I could not live my life in grief. Jesus took it away and I was here to live my life for Him. I knew He was with me, to change me from the inside daily. A smile began to slowly cover my face.
The echoes of the angels could still be heard in my head, as they were chanting, "Holy...holy....holy."
