My days were spent with a new weekly task. I created this
spreadsheet to keep track of all my possessions in each room. Not only was I proud
of my newly developed skills in excel, but this was also a way to figure out
what Jesus was up to, to find anything else that went missing in my house. I believed
he was trying to be sneaky, hiding it from me and trying to be quiet about it.
No matter what though, he still caused unwanted and unnecessary drama in my
life.
He kept irritating me with additional requests and had a
strong inability to follow orders. One of these was his constant failure to
comply with keeping out of the areas of my house that he could not go. It
bothered me that he felt like knocking on the door to my private office. This
is where I took care of my finances and where I worked. I felt as if he was
trying to solicit me on a continual basis for his services. He told me that he
had experience in handling finances. Hah! I wouldn’t trust my own mother with
my finances.
The crazy thing is, he wanted ten percent of my income. Ten percent! I almost felt like this was his
intention all along. Come in to my house, befriend me, try to help me be a
better person, and then come after me for his commission. Feels like every
other scam that I have been pitched in my life. I should’ve known that this
would happen at some point. Nothing is ever free.
Though, since I was benefiting from his help in other areas
of my life, I didn’t really want to kick him out of my house. It was a simple
thing really, keep my money from him and things would be alright. I was
practicing forgiveness anyway, so the least I could do was forgive Jesus for
demanding a large commission for taking care of my finances. The government was
already taking half my money and it never truly followed up on its promises.
So, why trust someone else with the rest? Besides, it’s not like Jesus stopped doing
work in my house and demanded payment.
Just like anything in life, it never ends the way you hope.
Thus, one fateful day it all escalated. Jesus walked unannounced into my office,
asking to look at my work files and bank statements. Does he not listen to what
I say? I knew what he was doing, trying to start doing the work only to charge
me for it later. The audacity! Finances are not his concern and nor will it
ever be. Who even dares to do such a thing? I was mad, angry that he stepped
out of line. That line being the door to my office. My temper flared. “I
control this and you stay out!” I yelled. “How dare you think that you know
better how to run my finances?”
I had to shove him out and lock the door to my office, refusing
to believe that he could help me. I knew exactly what I needed, what I wanted
to spend it on, and make sure I had all I wanted in life. I felt confident that
I could control my money and job and had done so up until this point. The rest
of that day I sat brooding in my office, making plans for a possible contract
with Jesus so that he doesn’t cross this line again.
A week later, everything fell apart. It was unexpected and
came completely by surprise. Just like a low budget horror movie. My company
had a breach of contract with a business partner and lost their biggest income.
The layoffs happened almost simultaneously. The prayer that I would keep my job
went unanswered. A kick to the curb with a low end severance pay did not leave
me with a lot of options.
I knew not what I would do or how to make it from here. This
had been the only job since graduating from college and I grew numb thinking
that I had no way to pay for my next month’s rent. The realization that I may
have to ask my parents for money shattered any sort of pride that I had left in
my life. I came home in a sad state and walked straight into my office,
refusing to acknowledge the presence of Jesus who looked overly concerned.
I spent days, months in my office, trying to figure out what
to do with my life as it crashed down around me. Things spiraled out of my
control and I was unable to piece it back together. I needed a way out, a way
that I could feel secure once more. I did everything in my power, but the realization
that I could not dig myself out made me sick to my stomach. Job applications
came up empty and no one seemed to be hiring except McDonald’s who told me I
was over qualified. Anything I tried to do regarding an income kept falling
short. I was running out of time and the knowledge of having to live in my
parent’s basement once again would permanently put an end to my social life as I
knew it.
At my worst, at my wits end, I heard a knock on my office
door. I knew who it was, but at that point I didn’t care anymore. I figured,
why not let him in? What harm can he do to me that I hadn’t already done to
myself? He can charge ten percent of my income at this point I thought. The
jokes on him though because he would be working for free.
I unlocked the door and let him in…begrudgingly. He
immediately began by pushing me out of my seat, having me sit to the side as he
went to the desk and began organizing everything to his liking. At first he
started to cut out all these things that had become part of my life. He removed
my cable TV subscription, sold my car for a cheaper model, halved my restaurant
and drinks budget, and banned me from most of my favorite top brand clothing
stores. I felt as if I should be mad, but I was too worn out to care.
As I sat around my house doing nothing, things started to
come back into order. I had no idea how much money I was spending on things
that I didn’t need in my life. He found me a job that I thought didn’t believed
even existed. It was a similar pay, if not a little less, but I was happy to start
working once again. Doing nothing is not what people think it is.
I ended up loving my new job more than the one I had before
and I actually cared about the work that I did. I felt as if the time and money
that I had somehow increased. I didn’t have additional costs or payments for
things I did not need I had more money to spend on a weekly basis. Even with
the ten percent that Jesus took, I still had more left over than before!
This weight left my shoulders that I never knew was there. Maybe
it was a good thing to let Jesus have this room as well I thought? He seemed up
to the challenge and it freed up my time to focus on other things. There was a
huge debt to pay off from loaning money while out of a job, but with the
additional changes, I would get back into shape very soon. The best thing was
that I still had my house.
Jesus approached me as I came home from my new job one day and
explained why he had entered my office. He knew that I was going to lose my job
and wanted to prepare me for it so that I would not go into debt. I did not
understand or realize the long term consequences and only focused on what I thought
was important to me at that moment. All he had in mind was trying to protect me
and not make me a slave to money or to the debt that I incurred. If I had known
what financial freedom would look like, I wouldn’t have been so stubborn to
begin with. I finally felt free, free to use my money to help others and free
to spend it on things that truly mattered in this world. Well, once I paid off
this debt.
Jesus seemed to keep growing on me, but the deeper he went,
the harder I seemed to resist.
